Ever feel like your speaking french and your spouse speaks Japanese when it comes to love? Trying to connect and express and feel love, from one another, but always feel like you fall short? Want some unique ways to connect with your spouse and really speak their love language? TODAY’s video is gonna be power-packed with some specifics to help you express LOVE in the way YOUR SPOUSE needs.
Listen as Greg Gorman and Julie Gorman share hints to engage, enhance, and FOSTER the happily-ever-after kinda love you and your spouse long to experience. Grab a cup of coffee and share some laughs with us as we share from our own life’s faux pas. Don’t forget to text “married” to 33777 for our free conversation starters!
See our readable version here:
How to Speak to Your Spouse’s Love Language When It Doesn’t Come Naturally
I’ll never forget spending time on foreign soil. I remember how I’d lean in to listen as if leaning in would help me understand the cultural divide. One time while doing missionary work in Ireland, I thought a farmer said, “I need a Band-aid.” The correct interpretation was, “It’s a BAD DAY.” It took the help of the farmer’s children to interpret his intent. Sometimes, the love language of our spouse needs the same help … Someone to help interpret.
In Dr. Gary Chapmans’ book, The Five Love Languages, we find help on how to interpret and express Love in a way that feeds our spouse’s need for LOVE’S expression.
So, what do you do when expressing your spouse’s love language doesn’t come naturally? I mean, how do you prioritize one another’s needs when it feels like you speak different languages?
Here are some ideas to connect and express one another’s love language.
First, take inventory of your thoughts and feelings. Are you willing to do the work? Or, are you tired and worn out from past failed efforts? If you are, lean in and ask God for help to TRY and TRY again.
- Expressing Love to your spouse (in the way they need it) may not come naturally to us, simply because we don’t Feel like it. We may relate too well to the old song, “You’ve lost that loving feeling”… Truth is, one of the great tragedies of Western culture is that we have equated Love with a warm emotional feeling. BUT TRUE LOVE is SO MUCH MORE!
- Love isn’t a FEELING; it’s an ATTITUDE. It’s the choice to live in such a way that we ENHANCE, ENGAGE, and FOSTER LOVE. We need to understand that,
- OUR ACTIONS of Love Proceed Our EMOTIONS of Love. Most of us do many things each day that does not come “naturally” for us. Like getting up and going to work. Like driving the speed limit or at least within acceptable speed limits. We discipline ourselves to wait in line, even when we are in a hurry. Expressing our spouse’s love language and doing something for them, even when you don’t feel like it will produce outcomes that exceed acting favorably in public. And, proves beneficial and worthwhile.
- LOVE is something you do for someone else. Love is not something you do for yourself, but the great return is that we WILL reap what we sow.
So, understanding that Love is a choice … How can you make a choice to DEMONSTRATE LOVE? The truth is,
- Love may not come NATURAL because you are simply too busy. It’s not that you don’t want to … it’s that you forget to. If that’s your struggle here are some helpful hints.
- Schedule Your Intentionality.
- Make a list of ideas that you can pull off using your spouse’s love language.Take time to actually sit down and make a list of things you can say or do with and for your spouse, using his or her love language. For example …
- Words of Affirmation. Encourage them. Tell them when they do something right. Express how they are exceptional. Share what you appreciate they did or said. Express a sincere compliment. Hide little notes of affection on Sticky notes. Express how they are a good spouse. The qualities you admire about them. The strengths they have that you wished you had more of. Use a dry erase marker to share words of encouragement that you admire about them and appreciate them. Congratulate them. Thank them.
- Quality Time. Drive to a meaningful spot. Take a class together. Cook together. Set up a game night. Travel somewhere new. The key is to maintain a concentrated focus. Be sure to keep an intimate eye connection. Turn off your phone. Engage in a shared activity. Explore together. Spend time together uninterrupted, distraction-free. Eat dinner together with the TV off. Run errands together. Stop multi-tasking.
- Receiving Gifts. Identify your spouse’s passions and fuel them in little and big ways. Thoughtfulness is key. Surprise them with a small token or gesture that lets them know you thought of them and understand who they are. Create a favorite playlist for them. Order and send them lunch at work. Order something they’ve been wanting and send at an unexpected time. Purchase their favorite treat and put it in their lunch, leave it on their pillow, or in their car.
- Acts of Service. Little–or big–tasks. Errands. Driving. Open their car door. Do the dishes. Wash the car. Change the baby’s diapers. Cook their favorite meal or take them lunch. Detail their car. Bring them a fresh towel after their shower. Make them a cup of coffee. Give them a FREE pass to do their favorite activity while you care for the kids. Get the oil changed for them. Mow the lawn. Hire a maid.
- Physical Touch. Hugs, kisses, or a meaningful touch go along way. Consider giving them a massage. Caress their arm. Hold hands. Give them Love Pats. Run your fingers through their hair or brush it softly. Sit close in public and in private. Brush against them softly, hands, arms, bodies. LOL. Take time to give them a hug goodbye. Give them a kiss on the cheek. Make it a practice to touch toes or bodies under the sheets. Make it a habit of laying across one another’s laps. Rest your head on their chest. Randomly grab their butt or give them a pinch.
- Love may not come naturally because you’re worn out. You’ve tried before, and it didn’t produce the results you hoped, and you are tired of trying. If that’s your struggle, remember …
- Practice makes perfect.
- Continue to Talk about it and Understand one another and Understand the seasons. ASK … how can I serve you today? What will make you feel loved? When do you feel the most respected, loved or connected with me? What can I do to make your life easier? THEN … above all LISTEN. Don’t FLARE UP … SHUT UP … and LOOKUP. Remember, God will help!
If you haven’t already done so, be sure to text the word MARRIED to 33777 to receive our conversation starters.